I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
I hate to iron.
No, that’s not the secret. It’s not really common knowledge either, but it’s not the secret.
I’ve also gained about 7 pounds, which I can’t quite figure out because I’m eating about the same and exercising a lot more. Even though that’s kind of personal, that’s not the secret either.
I keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat. It’s just that it isn’t muscle that’s hanging over the top of my pants. Oh well, whatever. There are things that are important in life and muffin tops are not one of them. Mostly I try to ignore it, but the days when I slip into a semi wrinkly, just out of the dryer pair of pants that I hung over the chair last night in hopes that the wrinkles would fall out by morning, are the days that I realize my time wearing zip-up button-fastened pants could soon be over.
I’ve lately contemplated shopping at the maternity store because at least everything there has elastic waist bands. Alternatively, I could shop at Sears in the elderware department but I’m guessing I’d come out looking more like a 43-year-old granny than a glowing, newly pregnant mom-to-be. To further my argument for shopping in the motherhood section, two of my favorite skirts are my sister’s from when she had Lily in 2006. Who cares that she wore them when she was 9 months pregnant and I’ve worn them for the past 12 years not pregnant? Is that weird?
Don’t answer that.
To thank you for your patience in my getting to the point, I’ll finally tell you the secret. There’s an upside to gaining 7 pounds and still squeezing into the pants that you wore when you were 7 pounds lighter. You actually don’t have to iron. When you paint them on, the wrinkles get stretched out. You do that little dance to get each leg firmly impaled in the second skin, shake your hips to get the waist band up high enough, suck in to attempt pulling up the zipper without breaking a nail and fasten the top button before passing out.
Voila! It’s miraculous! The wrinkles are gone!
The fact that your underwear line also shows through is beside the point. Just wear a long shirt. Then, when your thighs stretch the side seams and each bend to pick something up off the floor threatens to rip open the butt seam, no one will really notice.
What they will notice are your nicely pressed pants. They may wonder if you bought them off the stretch pants rack or if they’re just snug khakis, but they won’t notice a wrinkle!
Unless of course, you have skinny ankles. Skinny ankles are a problem. Fat ankles would smooth the wrinkles out all the way down to your shoes, but skinny ankles won’t do that. Basically, you have a problem. Smooth sailing down to your knees, obvious non-ironing further south. For this, there are two solutions.
1. Only wear capris.
2. Tuck your pants into knee high boots.
Either option can work, and you still won’t have to pick up an iron. The moral of this story is that, really, it’s always possible to look at the bright side! Sure, your pants don’t fit, but heck! You don’t have to iron!