Well, it’s breeding time again, and this year’s show immediately turned out better than last year’s sit-on-the-sidelines-waiting-for-some-action flop.
Remember last year? We took Canela and Lucy to a farm to be bred, with our only breeding experience being a book we read about a couple who took their goat to the breeder, held the goat in place while the boy goat did his duty, then packed up and took the girl home, and 5 months later had baby goats?
Last year, we sat on pins and needles, waiting for the event to happen, wishing I had popcorn for the show, and then…NOTHING. Not even a whiff of attraction. Just. Nothing.
Well, yesterday proved to be more of the movie going experience I had anticipated. Complete with goat sound effects and two children ooing and aahing.
Worth every penny. But, still no popcorn. Popcorn at the ringside would have just been weird. And stinky.
Have you ever smelled a boy goat “with nuts,” as my 7-year-old likes to say? It’s not even like you have to get up close and take a deep breath in. It’s pretty much that when you drive onto the property, if the wind is blowing even softly in your direction, you KNOW there is a buck on scene.
I’ll attempt a description: Drop a big, ugly (in many cases), hairy, intact male goat into a vat of urine and semen. NOTE: His own urine and semen. Be sure the liquids completely saturate his hair and soak into every pore of his skin. Deep into his very being. It’s important. It must be done or else the ladies just might not think he’s worthy.
And, in case you’re not around bucks much, I’m not kidding about the urine and semen part. Okay, you don’t drop them in a pot of it, but they do the honors themselves. They spray themselves with the offending substances from the wagging pencil that frequently appears between their back legs.
Wagging. Pencil. Not kidding there either. All of the sudden, this shiny, red protrusion zooms out of the otherwise hairy lump on their underside. And, wags. And, sprays. So much that the breeder warned us that we better back away from the fence because he REALLY DOES SPRAY. And, my two boys and I were in the line of fire.
But, it’s hard to pull yourself away from the fence. It has become quite a show.
Our two unsuspecting goats, Canela and Lucy, were loosed in the pen with the sire of their future children.
Now, the play by play, in real time:
Canela is interested. Lucy is not. He goes for Canela. Lucy backs herself into a corner thinking, WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS CREATURE and WHY AM I HERE?????? Canela has no issues with the whole situation, and allows him to slink up next to her like a greasy used car salesman.
There’s a noise that bucks make when around the women…which makes them that much MORE attractive than their cologne already does. Pretend you’re Jim Carey. Make your face get really flexible and rubbery so that it can do whatever you want it to. Now, with your mouth and cheeks loose, turn your head violently side to side. Your lips and cheeks should begin flapping. At the same time, make a deep, throaty, gutteral noise while you wap your tongue up and down. Curl your top lip up and cock your chin and nose forward a bit as if searching for a curious smell on a faint breeze. Do this ALL at the same time.
You are now a boy goat with nuts. (Minus the head shaking back and forth part, that was just to produce the exact sound effects.)
Still in boy goat character, stomp one of your front feet in the dirt a few times and kick up a little dust. Do the sound effects (instructions above) while rubbing your greasy, stinky head on your insta-girlfriend’s neck. Pretend like you are biting her a little bit. That seems to really drive her crazy. Pop the pencil out (if it hasn’t already been out for the last five minutes), stomp, round your back getting ready to mount, and launch! Try to land squarely on her. If not, you’ll have to repeat the process 27 more times.
And, voila! It is finished.
Or, maybe not.
The girls will actually spend 40 days at the breeder’s just to ensure their time with the buck is successful. Does (girl goats) cycle (go into heat) every 18-21 days. and the breeder wants to make sure this is not just a flash in the pan but that some real live babies will come out of our mamas in 5 months.
So, there ya have it. Goat breeding at its best. And funniest. And weirdest. And smelliest.
Anyone wonder anymore why WE don’t keep our own breeding buck?
Just to recap, in case you missed it: They stink. They’re gross. They’re loud. They’re ugly. They’re weird. And, they stink. Again.
But, that’s just my opinion.
– The Goat Cheese Lady
The Goat Cheese Lady 
I have to laugh upon reading the string of messages concerning bucks. I had a herd of over 100 registered Alpine goats in the 70’s and 80’s. My first reaction to the stink of bucks was typical for a newbie. BUT, with each year and hopes of the next great milking show goat, the smell became ‘good’………yes, it was a sweet, good smell, because of all the hopes and dreams it held for the future!! Back then, I had a cute poem that pointed out how crazy people like me were, when the smell of a buck was good!!
I just got back into the goats again. I have two dairy goats and two Boer goats. I have never had a Boer goat. Both of the dairy goats (one Alpine and the other an Alpine/Nubian cross) had full udders when bought at a local auction sale yard. One of my daughters knew I had been talking about getting some goats again. I love the milk and find the milking theraputic. When my daughter saw the goats, she bought them for me. While at the sale a couple of Boer does came through that were sold as bred does. One had quite and udder on her the other is a long ways from kidding. My daughter bought them too. She delivered them to our place with the thought of getting the Boers for herself when she had a place available. My husband loves sheep and said he wanted to keep the Boers and raise them. So, we kept the Boers too.
The two dairy goats were bagged up for the sale, but had no milk the next day after milking them. I kept milking them, with the hopes of getting their production to start back up. The crossbred doe came back up and I am getting half a gallon a day out of her. The Boer doe with the large udder kidded a couple of weeks after purchased. She had a buck and a doe. I left the kids on her, unlike the way I did my dairy goats where I would take the kids at birth and bottle raise them. After a few days, her udder looked very, very, very full!!!! I was concerned about mastitis, so had my husband hold her while I milked her. She was not a willing milker, but has since learned that the stantion and grain were worth allowing me to relieve the pressure on her udder. I have set up the schedule of milking her in the mornings only. Her kids are still on her at all times. She is giving me over half a gallon every day, plus the nursing of her kids! I am so impressed!! I was on D.H.I.A. (Dairy Herd Improvement Ass.) with my Alpines years ago. I went for milk production in a show goat. I produced a first freshening doe that was #2 in the Nation for her butterfat production. She produced over 4,000 pounds of milk in ten months (milking year).
The milk we get from the new does is excellent, but the Boer goat is absolutely OUTSTANDING!!! There is absolutely no after taste from either goat. The rich, creamy smoothness of the Boer goat’s milk is phenominal!! I figure cheese making is probably a must. I saw a brief part of the segment on TV’s channel 21 about the “Goat Cheese Lady”. I assume that is you.
Hi Bonnie! Yes, it’s me! I was on channel 21 this fall, I’m glad you saw it! It’s great to hear your goat stories, and interesting to learn about how delicious the Boer’s milk is! As hard as I am on bucks, I am sure that there may be a day when we decide to keep our own and I will grow to love him too. =) I’d love to see you at a class sometime! Lindsey
I love my bucks. I have 7 of them.
Jan! You sold the little girls to Gail, right? They are precious!! It’s good to hear from you! I’m sure your bucks are cute, if the does are any indicator!
Many bucks are wonderful and sweet. Kodak our first, the ride home with Gary nose to nose, was a wonderful lovely hunk. He use to sit on his butt like a dog and let it all hang out. Have to find that photo some time. He was my Christmas present that year. Julies hubby was running around singing “I’m getting stinky for Christmas!”
I learned early on you don’t want to say “Want to see my new buck?” to your ladies prayer group. They just don’t understand…
I can imagine it might not go over well!
actually my nubian buck, Mikey-the-hunk, is a very sweet stinker and I love him dearly! It’s only from August to November that he takes your breath away and he makes it very easy to tell when the girls are in heat.
Jan, I have heard that there are people who love their bucks! I have never had the occasion to own one, but I’m sure I would gain at least a general appreciative respect for him. I do hope I didn’t offend you or any proud, loving buck owners out there. I’m sure Mikey is a hunk! As bucks go, that is! =)
You also need to know this buck perfume starts in august and the spray on their face and body ferments over time. Our boer buck would build up a crust over his whole face, eyes, nose, etc and develope urine tscalding on his short front legs where he peed so much his skin would get irritated. My hubby rode home with our boer Kodi in December in the back of the truck, face to face as it was. Thank God he was a gentle little giant at 350# and FULL CURL horns. Bucks are an adventure.
That was when my bucks don’t smell bad hubby lost it when they grabbed the pencil…well…male envy or what??? Love the streaming sunlight on your photos of the holy acts too. Puts it in perspective. Hope it works.
I can smell him from here. Nope, don’t miss that part of the goat business!
I’m glad I’ve never been IN that part of the goat business! Might make my neighbors less happy about our goat farm! =)
Be glad you didn’t see how talented our boys can be with the pencil in their own mouths. They are that flexible. Girl goats can also self suckle if they try. Oreo still does it.
That’s just a sight I’d rather not see. YUCK. Gross. Remind me we never want to own a buck, in case I start saying I want one. Blleehh.