I’ve had more food and other odd things on my face in the last four days than ever before. But, it’s worth it. You’ll find out why when I finish writing this.
But DON’T LOOK YET.
It’s a surprise.
First, you should know what you should do to your face if you ever get a surprise like this.
Egg yolk, lemon juice and honey. Goat’s milk and nutmeg. Distilled water and lavender and rosemary. For your face.
Finally, I did it. It took almost and hour, and I don’t typically spend a whole hour on self beautification, but I felt compelled. Call it vanity. Call it nerves. Call it necessary. Call it part of my Pickers Anonymous 12 Step Program.
First, I scrubbed my face with the nutmeg and goat’s milk exfoliator. After about 5 minutes of rubbing that into my face and neck, I rinsed it off with warm distilled water.
Then, I boiled the herb water. Once it boiled, I took it off the heat, moved to a comfortable chair with the pot on a hot pad on a table in front of me, and leaned over it. With a towel like a tent over my head. For 10 minutes.
Now, there’s a neck ache for you.
And, finally, I spread the egg mixture all over my face and laid down on the floor for fifteen minutes. (Right now, I’m hearing my grandmother’s voice in my head…Lie means recline. Lay means to put. It’s hard to live it down if you get it wrong. But, I’m not sure about past tense. Laid, Lied? Forgive me, Mom, if I wrote it wrong.)
Fifteen minutes. The room was dark. The kids asleep. Quiet. Peaceful. With egg on my face. And, actually, it was quite nice.
Until I stood up. Now, that was a little odd. Since the egg dried on my face while I was lying down, it was like getting a firm immovable facelift. Gravity pulled all my skin up and back and the egg dried it there.
But, get up, and gravity pulls in a whole different direction. The whole clear mask that was now my face, tried falling down to my neck. Wow. I guess my skin hangs lower than I ever realized.
So. NOW. Why would a person go to such extremes?
Well, because The Fox News Morning Show…
…and Craig Coffey…and his camera man…
…ARE COMING to film us tomorrow!!!
Now, seriously. If you were going to be on TV for the first time ever since you were 6 and on Romper Room and had no acne and no cares in the world for that matter, (but not the only time, because, if you’ll recall my Dream List, I do still need to be on Good Morning America), wouldn’t you do weird things in preparation?
Now, The Animal Whisperer has been on TV before, so he’s not as worried about how his skin looks. Or, maybe it’s just a guy thing. Or, maybe it’s just a girl thing.
Or, maybe it’s just a me thing.
However you slice it, the word on the street is, whatever they film tomorrow will be on their show on Tuesday.
That’s when you’ll find me hiding under my bed.
But, I will let you know for sure when it’s going to be on.
– The Goat Cheese Lady