Humbly, I must say, I am spreading awareness on behalf of my dear, childhood friend, Shannon.
OK, it’s not really humbly. It’s actually after cracking up for at least 10 minutes while talking to her yesterday.
As you now know, I am on facebook. I am even learning to use the terminology…I’m on facebook. Well, Shannon, posted on her wall a picture of her ear. Yes, odd. Even odder was that her ear had a bunch of stitches in it and she posted how grateful she was to the doctor who hooked it back on.
Just after the post of her ear was this picture. Hard to see is the cat just at the left of the pedestrian’s back foot. Her note underneath read: “they need more signs like this in Colorado Springs, only with a cat on the person’s head.”
What the heck?
Instead of scrolling down through oblivion on her wall to figure out what on earth she was talking about, I went the old-fashioned route.
I called her.
But, before you know what we talked about, you must know more about Shannon:
We grew up playing together every day after school, lived one street apart in an idyllic, peaceful, mountain town exploring the wilds and riding our bikes and eating bread with Skippy peanut butter and a thick coating of pure, white sugar. The most dangerous thing we encountered were some big kids trying to scare us on Halloween Night.
I walked away from my childhood with NO street smarts and brave enough (barely) to kill a spider.
She is now a scary as h-e-double sticks probation officer. She has street smarts and a BS detector that is always on. You DON’T want to cross Shannon. And, on her lunch break, she walks one of two dogs: Roxy or Bill.
I called Shannon: “What happened to your ear?”
Shannon: “You wanna hear a funny story?”
The day of the incident it was Bill’s day. Bill is a 75 pound boxer lab mix. Have I mentioned that Shannon is a tough as nails probation officer? Oh, right, I already did.
So, Shannon was walking Bill. They were just on the outskirts of downtown Colorado Springs in a small neighborhood when they heard…
Her: “this AWFUL noise! Then, we heard it again and a CAT jumped out from under a deck and ATTACKED us!”
Me: (Beginning to crack up) “It ATTACKED you???”
Her: “It made that noise again and ATTACKED us! Bill knocked me over and the CAT attacked MY HEAD!”
Me: (Cracking up even more)
Her: “It bit my head and tore part of my EAR OFF! With its CLAWS!”
Me: “NO WAY!!!! That’s AWFUL!!!! (tears beginning to well up from laughing so hard, eyes popping out of head in disbelief)
Her: “I spent 4 hours having it SEWED BACK ON!”
Me: While laughing hysterically, I remember it would be nicer of me to stop laughing and ask her if she’s OK, and actually have some sympathy. Ya, well, that didn’t work. Didn’t stop laughing.
Her: “11 stitches to HOOK MY EAR back on. AND, I had to wear a TURBIN for a WEEK! Today is the first day with my hair down!”
Me: Picturing Shannon going to court every day with a turbin around her head to be a Bad A** probation officer.
Her: “And, the Humane Society won’t even press charges against the owner!”
Me: “WHAT??? Why not?”
Her: “They’ve never done it for a CAT.”
So, on her behalf, I’m spreading awareness. There is a little known phenomenon called the Attack Cat Syndrome. It is where a cat mistakes itself for a mountain lion and mistakes you for a small bird. It jumps on your head in its attempt to rip it off. When it figures out you are not a bird, but a probation officer with a 75 pound dog, it realizes it better not let go or else your dog might eat it. So, it hangs on for dear life to inflict even more damage upon you so you will be distracted enough to let it get away before sicking your dog on it.
This is known as The Attack Cat Syndrome. It has been known to happen periodically every 87 years. Unfortunately for Shannon, this was the year. So, in 87 more years, if you’re walking down Kiowa Street a few blocks east of downtown, look out for the cat.
There. I’ve done my job. I’ve spread awareness.
– The Goat Cheese Lady