My 24 Hour Diet

There are 2 ways to lose the love handles. 

One is not to eat this.

The other is to get the 24 hour flu.

I chose the flu.

And just before the flu, I ate the item pictured above.

I think it poisoned me. 

But that’s just my hypochondriac side coming out of the closet.

It started Sunday around 5ish, after the baby shower I gave for my sister-in-law, for which I made those darling little cupcake bites…

Then shot them out of both ends a little while later.

Great.

From about 5pm to 11pmish, I rarely left the bathroom.  And my husband is a saint. 

I have problems with fainting when I get sick…he and I both know that, so when I felt the fainting wave coming on, I shouted to him.  He had no idea I was sick, but must have sensed the urgency.

“You dead?”

“Almost.”

From then on, he stood in front of me while I sat on my porcelain perch hoping gravity would pull the flames out of my intestines through one end or the other.  My head resting like dead weight on his thighs. 

Then, I writhed to the floor in an attempt to get there in some manner other than by fainting. 

And groaned for a trash can.

When else IN YOUR LIFE would you decide it’s OK to rest your head on the edge of a trashcan?  I mean seriously.  When your insides are broiling and you are praying they’ll stop, somehow your definition of acceptable cleanliness practices go by the wayside.  You press your face to the cold tile on the floor and hope that at least some time in the past month, you mopped it.  (But knowing you didn’t.)  You go to sleep with throw up in your hair.

But the weirdest part of all, really, is when, having climbed back up to sit on the toilet, but still having the urge to vomit, I stared down the purple plastic tube that ended in the bottom of the vomit covered trashcan, staring at some bluish bits that couldn’t have come from the cupcake, wondering where they came from, and thinking what happens to a person when she gets really old and sick and her husband isn’t there to hold her head or she can’t walk fast enough to make it to the bathroom, and wouldn’t this be something good to write about. 

To write about.  Weird.

Who writes about stuff like this?

Should I really share my 24 hour flu with everyone?

Sure!  Why not.

Soon, I’ll be sharing stories of goat birthing, so why not start here?

–  The Goat Cheese Lady

P.S.  And, after my body rejected every source of food or drink it encountered for a day, then slept for the whole next day, my love handles are nearly non-existent.

About The Goat Cheese Lady

I am Lindsey. At first I was a city girl. Growing up, the closest thing I had to farm animals were a cat and a cockatiel. In 2009, Herbert (my husband) and I bought our first milk goat and I instantly became an urban farmgirl, attempting to balance city and farm life..before I knew “urban homesteading” was a thing. That’s when we began The Goat Cheese Lady Farm, hence The Goat Cheese Lady blog you’re visiting now. After moving to the country in 2014, I embarked on life as a rural farmgirl. We continued teaching farm and cheesemaking classes, raising more goats and began construction on our cheese creamery. But life had other plans and in 2017, we decided that, due to financial and health issues, we had to close the farm for business. No more classes, no more creamery, a lot less milking. We went back to off farm jobs, I as an Occupational Therapist, Herbert in construction with his business, D&A Home Remodeling. At that point, I made a silent promise to myself that I would corral my entrepreneurial mind and focus on a job for a year. Well, it has been a year and I am back. Not to classes, cheese, soap or lotion, but back to writing. I love it. I’m not sure where it will lead me, but that’s where I’m starting. I’ll continue to write as The Goat Cheese Lady for now, and whatever the future holds, I’ll let you know. Our two boys are 14 and 11 and continue to be louder than my sister and I ever were. We have two dogs, Montaña and Flash, a cat, Jumpy, a flock of chickens and three goats. Yes, we still have Lucy, the goat who helped us start it all and was milked by over 1,000 people. She’s retired but still the boss. Chocolate provides enough milk for our family with some to spare for the dogs. Soccer friends, school friends, coyotes and mice are frequent visitors. There are way too many flies and every so often we see an owl. I’m glad you’re here. Sometimes you’ll laugh out loud, other times you’ll be inspired to appreciate the small things. My hope is that, over your morning cup of coffee or your afternoon work break, you’ll enjoy the antics and inspiration that are my daily life. Lindsey
This entry was posted in Farm Life. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to My 24 Hour Diet

  1. Heather Hutmacher says:

    Hi Lindsey, I know you butcher some of your chickens to eat. Do you, or have you concidered, selling an already slaughered chicken for MY dinner? I’d love to support my local farm before I support my local King Soopers 😉
    Thank you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s