The man you hope that your cheese works out for because You and It just might be in the paper. In the Westside Pioneer. In our first public outing.
It was sort of like planning a wedding. They say on the day of your wedding, 7 things will go wrong. The main one at my wedding was that the pastor was 20 minutes late.
Today, for my cheese’s first ever photo shoot, not seven, but two…kind of major…things did go wrong.
(Note to self: Be sure to have a non-poisonous thermometer available for your next photo shoot. It will solve both of today’s issues.)
Issue #1: I used my thermometer to make soap two nights ago. Seems like a minor issue…but what that means in English is: I dipped my thermometer into milk mixed with Lye. Poison. Blinding, Burning, Deadly poison. Yes, that is what you HAVE to do when you make soap, the problem arises at the time of the photo shoot when you remember you were supposed to go to Walmart this morning to buy another one, but didn’t, and so you have to make a game-time decision. To use the poisonous thermometer or not to use the poisonous thermometer.
So, instead of risking serious illness at my cheese class tomorrow where I will be serving today’s (soon-to-be-a-local-celebrity) cheese, I opted for the official statement: “My thermometer is non-functional at this time.” And, I guessed as to the appropriate temperatures at which to add the necessary ingredients.
The guessing may have led to issue #2.
Issue #2: Kenyon was patiently watching me watch the milk heat on the stove. Not a very exciting part of cheesemaking, as you can imagine. He kindly said, “Why don’t you let me know when some action is going to start happening?” Cheesemaking is inherently un-action-packed, but in an attempt to be as action packed as possible, I prepared him for the best part…drum roll…
Stretching The Mozzarella!
That came near the very end and was supposed to be the climax of the show. “Supposed to be” are the key words here.
Instead…possibly as a result of my temperature guess work…or because I used a silver bowl that suspiciously looks like aluminum (which kills cheese)…when I announced triumphantly: “WE HAVE STRETCH!!” Only, we didn’t.
We had a glob of something mimicking a huge marshmallow freshly melted in the microwave.
To be mozzarella, the glob has to stretch, get shiny, get smooth. This glob was not even related to Stretch. Not even part of the family. Didn’t even live in the same country as Stretch.
A grainy cheeseless blob.
I’ll google if it can be recovered into anything other than, what it has now become, 1 hour later, white, salty slime.
Issues 3-7 thankfully did not happen.
The Chevre turned out delicious and Kenyon took some home to share with his family.
I hope his article turns out better than the mozzarella’s performance.
– The Goat Cheese Lady