(I wrote this yesterday morning)
Craig Coffey called last week. He left a message. Then I left him one. Then he left me one. The I left him one. About 3 or 4 more rounds of tag and we finally talked. Yesterday.
And, the results of our conversation, which I’ll reveal in a few days, means that I have some serious acne reduction to be carried out before Monday. That’s five days. Monday is the 6th day. But since I want my skin to be glowing and zit free by 9 am Monday, that’s really only 5 days.
Which is why I’m typing this with honey on my face. It’s been on my face for 20 minutes.
And it’s also why I scrubbed my face with goat’s milk and nutmeg for 5 minutes last night.
And it’s why I’m also going to steam my face over a pot of really hot rosemary infused water for 10 minutes sometime today.
And, why I’m going to scrub my face again with baking soda and distilled water sometime tomorrowish. There could be egg and lemon and salt involved, at times.
And, it’s why I have become A HUGE FAN OF CRUNCHY BETTY.
I don’t like using chemically stuff on my face. I’ve had acne since birth (pretty close, at least) am a Picker (I feel like I’m at an AA meeting. Hi. My name is Lindsey and I’m a picker.) and have tried everything from Accutane to antibiotics to diets to exercise to yoga to cutting my fingernails really short to attempting to ignore it to trying to Secret it away.
Everything except cutting off my hands (my dear husband’s suggestion last night) and putting food on my face.
So, in lieu of cutting off my hands, I’ll go for food. On my face.
Now, as for last night’s experience, I ground 1/2 Tbsp fresh nutmeg…
…and mixed it with 1 Tbsp fresh goat’s milk. Then, I stood over the bathroom sink and massaged it in for 5 or so minutes. And dripped. And dripped. And licked my arm. And noticed that in the sink, there was what looked like a light layer of splattered throw up. That’s what nutmeg and milk look like. But, you really can lick your arm. You can’t do that with Oxyclean.
However, I smelled more like some kind of men’s deodorant. At first, I thought I might smell like a Christmas Cookie or something. But, no. The pungent odor of freshly ground nutmeg (which I happened to have thanks to my friend, Angelita), is 42 times stronger than your typical cookie. Especially when it’s on your face.
BUT. It was pretty amazing. I rinsed it off with warm distilled water and voila! I was stunning! OK. My opinion. But, really, my skin was smooth, soft and just felt better. And, out of habit from using things like Sea Breeze when I was in Junior High, I had my lips pinched together the whole time so there’d be no chance of it leaking into my mouth.
Until I realized…it’s food!!!
Now. As for the honey. It’s still on my face. And, the only dangers of that are getting a phone call. You have to hold the phone away from your face, but then you sort of forget and you get it too close and you get honey on it. And in your hair. It’s OK though. Just lick it.
But, now, after about an hour of it on my face, and my husband asking me if it’s hot in here, because I sure look like I’m sweating a lot (he’s terribly supportive at times like these), I’ll be going to wash it off. It’s getting to the point where it’s getting kind of itchy. Like when you have a Mary Kay mask on and it’s getting too dry and all you want to do is use a little bit of your fingernail to itch it, but you try not to, and your eyes start watering.
Scratch the itch, then lick your finger! Not bad for a day at the salon!
Oh, and also, no need for an eyelid lifts for any of you who are thinking of it. Just put honey on your eyelids. They’ll stick open. Your eyes do dry out a little though.
- The Goat Cheese Lady
P.S. “Vanity killed the cat.” Quote for the previously mentioned supportive husband.